Showing posts with label Coast to Coast. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coast to Coast. Show all posts

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

2013 - Going Full Circle (C2CR)

Summer of 2013 saw us going full circle, returning to where it all began with the Coast to Coast, only this time we were cyclists rather than bumbling fools on bikes.  Already this year I had conquered two cross country races, the South Down’s Way and MTIE London Revolution (I am amazed still that I got this many passes) so felt totally ready.  The very idea of slamming a route that had previously broken us and then riding back to the start on a partially off-road route called the Rievers may as well have been the plot for a Hollywood movie for me.

I was actually not in control of organising this one, but I did book us Southerners – Me, Mark, Paul and Dan – into a wonderful place outside of Cockermouth called Grayonside Inn for both the first and last night of the epic adventure.  I had stayed there with my family for Baz’s wedding back in 2012 and then shortly after returned for a family holiday.  Jeanette who ran the place is most likely the friendliest and loveliest B&B host I have ever encountered.  As for the remained of the stops, this was left down to Mark. 

He delivered his outline plan:

Fri 26th July:  Congregate in and around Cockermouth ready for off
Sat 27th July:  Workington to Alston (Day 1/2 C2C)
Sun 28th July:  Alston to Tynemouth (Day 2/2 C2C)
Mon 29th July:  Tynemouth to Bellingham (ish) (Day 1/3 Rievers)
Tue 30th July:  Bellingham to Carlisle (ish) (Day 2/3 Rievers)
Wed 31st July:  Carlisle to Whitehaven (Day 3/3 Rievers)

All in this was a 313 mile romp over some of the most challenging climbs the country has to offer, but we would be travelling light and staying in B&B’s instead of camping like we had on the first attempt.  So when we checked into Grayonside on the Thursday night (and cracked open the first bottle of Lakeland) spirits were deservedly high.





Baz had to drop out of a couple of sections of the route for reasons that were unavoidable and the first section, travelling from Whitehaven to Cockermouth, was just for the Southerners.  We parked up in Whitehaven on the driveway of Mark’s university friend and rolled down to the start at the waterside, feeling a little strange.  We had been such different creatures heading to the same place in 2008 and as Dan would concur, far less sober at that point in 2008 as well.  On this occasion I felt like a coiled spring waiting to unleash and once we set off that is exactly what happened.

Whitehaven to Alston – 80.2 miles with 6,546 ft climbing

The wonderful 5 mile false flat cycle path out of Whitehaven was polished off in a matter of minutes rather than slogged out over the space of an hour requiring a break midway to catch our breath.  Then we were into the fangs brow and descending into the shadowy foothills of Winlatter before the morning had even had a chance to realise we were on our way.  This is where we met Baz, kitted out in his King of the Mountain Jersey and looking fit as a fiddle despite being referred to as “Mr Blobby” by his wonderful wife.  We hugged out the emotion we all felt at being back together and set off up Winlatter at our own pace which for Baz, Mark and Paul was breakneck speed. 

I was wearing a heart rate monitor up until this point and tracking the ride on Strava.  I was not so much struggling with the climb, but for some reason could not handle the strap around my chest.  The restriction was just too much under the scorching summer sun so the stats when viewed afterwards look like I died, with heart rate peaking at 196 and then flat lining as I ripped off the sensor.  The truth is that I found Winlatter hard, but manageable.  The top came much quicker than it had in 2008 and although our route back then also incorporated some of the off road sections, by being on road there was still worthy challenge to note.




The descent down the other side became a flat out race between Paul and Baz and was very nearly the death of one or both of them.  With a speed clocked in the realm of 60 mph by Baz on the twisting lane it was no wonder that the rest of us fell back.  Then Dan and I lost sight of the leading three when we needed to get out of the way of a van and took a completely different route from the others down into Keswick.  A few phone calls later and a pub was decided upon as our lunch stop and place to regroup.  This was also the place we would say farewell to Baz until later that week.



It was strange to think that we were having lunch on day one beyond the point it had taken a whole day to get to in 2008.  Our plan for the rest of the day was to get to the point we had reached after two days riding and we all knew what stood between us and there; Hartside.

Having said our goodbyes to Baz, the rest of us set off for Alston.  We passed through Greystoke and Penrith without pause and straight into Renwick where we did stop.  This was not to rest, but to stand on the corner where Dan and Mark had surrendered previously.  Paul, who had not been on the first expedition, could not connect to the bewilderment the rest of us felt and he was also lacking in the knowledge we had of the climb ahead.  When we finally rolled out he got it in his head to put pay to his brother Mark and so the battle began.


As for me and Dan – we went at our own pace.  Mine was a little faster than Dan and a lot slower that Mark and Paul, but regardless, it was rocket speed compared to 2008.  My main focus was to not put a single foot down until I reached a cafĂ© at the top and attempted to ignore the local riders dancing up past me, looking me up and down as they did.  I fought the urge to shout out “did you start the day in Whitehaven?” because the miles preceding this were my justification for the speed at which I climbed.  What held me back was the very real possibility of one of them replying “yes!”

Having before mocked Mark’s love of climbing as sadistic, I started to actually understand it as I progressed along the zigzag road.  Each pedal stroke seemed to be a reward and badge of honour, while each session standing up and putting down a little more juice before sitting back down and maintaining the new flow sang of personal ability and a little bit of validation for the effort that had gone into becoming this much better (I dare not say “good”).  My focus was still on  looking fluid and comfortable, with good form over speed, but speed was a consequence and before I knew it I was at the summit.  Here I sat with Mark and Paul and listened to the tale of defeat Paul had suffered against his brother and not long after Dan was with us too.



So day one ended with a roll into Alston and checking into the YMCA hostel.  We showered and ate in the same place we had eaten back in 2008 – this time not needing to beg the kitchen to stay open because we were not arriving near closing.  We also drifted into the supermarket and I purchased a bag of ale that I shared with the owner of the hostel beside an open fire while the other three went to bed.  While they snored I was regaled with stories of the Great Divide – a trip that may one day become a reality for me too…

Alston to Newcastle Upon Tyne – 57.2 miles with 3,902 ft of climbing

My one set of casual clothes hummed of wood smoke as I repacked them into my panniers.  Breakfast happened quickly and we rolled out of the hostel onto the cobbled road climb.  Starting any day with this would hurt, but with 80 miles and 6,546 feet in the legs from the day before it really hurt.  However, it was a sign of our new fitness when soon enough we had loosened up and were eating miles.  We dashed up Allenheads, offering nods of respect to the immensely steep section at the top, before racing like men possessed down through Northumberland on roads that were clear for mile upon mile as they stretched like black ribbons through wilderness.


A few minor mechanical issues forced us to stop in Rockhope which had been a most welcome stopping point in 2008.  What could be fixed was fixed and we set off again, but from here our route would change.  Before, we had walked our bikes up the steep bank and eventually picked up the Waskerley Way, but this time we would stick to tarmac and push up and around the moorlands.  One might be forgiven into believing that this was a blessing, but after setting off we quickly realised that it wasn’t.  With a 20% climb greeting us and road works at the top forcing us out of the saddle to work our way through, none of us came away with fresh legs.

Beyond this climb it was all downhill to Newcastle.  We kept a cracking pace going onto the Derwent walk which resulted in a puncture for me and then a quick stop at the Derwent Walk Inn for old time sake.  We passed over the suicide bridge which had now had the sign removed and beyond was just the urban route to the blinking eye, a couple of sprint challengers against Mark despite not really having the legs for it and a sneaky pint of continental lager at the Pitcher and Piano on the waterfront before dipping the front wheel in the water.


Two days to complete the C2C was a massive achievement.  140 miles and 10,448 feet of climbing done and still three days of cycling left to enjoy, but first a night in Newcastle Upon Tyne in a B&B Mark had booked for us with a host that considered himself a comedian…  but wasn’t.  We met our host in the nearby pub that looked like it could get nasty very quickly and then followed him to his house where our bikes were chained together for safe keeping.  With the sky open above them and a wooden gate between them and the road I wondered what we might be using to get back to Whitehaven.

We followed Paul out to a curry house and met a couple of his friends who lived nearby, but this was not the night for a drink-fest.  The next day we would be starting on the Rievers route which was new ground for all of us and not without its climbing to get us to a pub in Bellingham where we were staying.  For this reason it was a brief visit to the scary local and then off to bed.

Newcastle Upon Tyne to Bellingham – 76.2 miles with 3,370 ft of climbing

We rushed breakfast and were all relieved to find we still had bikes.  It didn’t take too long to get out of Newcastle, but we were now on strange tracks through areas of industrial history which completely jarred with the surroundings of the two days before.  We picked our way along the Reivers route through a rabbit warren of bridleway and cycle path and it was impossible for me to ignore the odd drop off and kicker regardless of riding a bike not built for such games.  Before long I had an annoying click deep inside my bottom bracket, but because the wheels were still turning I simply ignored it.

When we finally did step off these gritty tracks onto roads we were blessed with a complete absence of traffic.  Our pace remained good and we took the hills in our stride.  What really sung to me on this day was the descending which at one point got so fast as to throw my cats eye tracker into failure.  A check later on Strava revealed my top speed as being 57.6 mph and put me as 7th in the rankings for that section.  I am still yet to beat that speed and believe I have also now been removed from the rankings by locals, but what Strava does not show is the utter joy of those sections. 

A slight headwind played a part towards the end of the day, but knowing there was a pub at the end pushed me on.  I had a touch of pain in my foot (presumed by the group to be gout from my love of real ale) but the two days riding before this one had set my body into work mode.  Paul set off on a break with 5 miles to go and I gave chase.  It had been a game we had been playing throughout the day and never got tiresome (except for the game between Mark and Paul which involved being at the top of every single little bump in the road).  I managed to keep him in sight, but never to catch his wheel.  I met him in the car park of the pub and was sat with a real ale in hand as Mark and Dan entered not long after.

Once checked in our bikes were locked in a secure outhouse and the rooms we were shown to were beautiful.  After chowing and changing into my smoke scented clothes we gathered in the restaurant and devoured thousands of calories.  During desert a real treat arrived at the table…  Baz! 

We fed back on our last two days without him, including the tale of Paul’s slaughter on Hartside against the almighty legs of Mark and waxed lyrical about the open roads of the first day of Rievers.  The next day we would be passing through Kielder, which we were all excited about, but I was also excited about the night ahead.  We had the full group back together and were in a pub that served quality ale and quality scotch!  A room key tab was all we needed to get going and although Dan and Paul retired to their comfy beds, me, Mark and Baz went at it like men possessed.  

Bellingham to Carlisle – 69.9 miles with 3,543 ft of climbing

I had been carried back to the room the night before and woke up with a little apprehension for the long ride ahead.  A great breakfast served only to sit on the sloshing grog in my guts and make me feel worse.  Stepping out to get the bikes in the pouring rain and realising that I had a puncture on the rear wheel before we even set off added to the negative mood.  But I had been here before (as heavy drinkers often are) and had a strategy.  This was to take the lead of the peleton and to sweat out the sins of nights gone by and the route ahead offered many opportunity to sweat.  Long climbs followed by long descents straight back into long climbs helped me zone into the riding, although I detached myself a little from the group.  The rain worked hard to wear us down, but we managed to keep going.

The road above Kielder water was absolutely stunning.  The drifts of misty rain coming through the firs and the dark, still waters below made us feel utterly remote and the air we breathed was crisp and cool.  Any sign of hangover melted into the histories.  We then came down to the water on a long swooping road and crossed over the dam.  By the time we rolled over the border into Scotland and down the high street of Newcastleton all I could think about was coffee.

It was not an ideal stop, being stood on the pavement outside of the coffee shop because we were all too sopping wet to sit inside.  Our average speed also took a dent and began to stress Mark out, but for a moment I had to be selfish and get my fix.  I knew that the void in my head was self-created, but I also knew that ignoring the need for caffeine would just roll into the rest of the day.  It really wasn’t as if we were going to get any wetter.



Rolling out of Newcastleton, the rain stopped and we crossed back into England on truly remote roads that took us through Bewcastle and into Mollen Wood, here roads seemed almost out of place and we monkeyed around with small sprint challenges and hill climb races with no fear of needing to share the road with anything more than a couple of sheep.  That was until Baz and Paul raced up a hill and were almost swallowed up under the wheels of an Asda delivery van that came hurtling over the ridge and down to us.  It seemed he had as little expectation of seeing us as we had of seeing him.  I still do not know how Paul managed to stay on the road rather than flying off into the fields below.

We encountered some incredible climbs through this stretch, with switchbacks that increased in gradient so quickly as to feel like slamming on the brakes.  The only way up was to bench-press the pedals and at the top of each of these we would find ourselves surrounded by trees and engulfed in a world were only we existed.

How strange it felt when this slowly slipped away and transformed into the outlying urban sprawl of Carlisle.  Following traffic heavy roads into Carlisle proper, past industrial estates and shopping centres was like losing something special.  In Carlisle we were booked into a university dorms and I was struggling to keep pace and had been for a while.  The stretch through Mollen Wood with those incredible climbs had combined with the excessive drinking of the day before to allow weakness to return.  When the group finally stopped at a crossroad to allow us all to regroup I took up one of my water bottles and squirted Baz and Paul's their legs in a mini protest only to see their faces transform into utter shock.

They had been pushing hard and always leading the group for this last stretch of many miles.  This pace had barely allowed me to keep them in sight let along ride with them, therefore I had no way of knowing that they had both exhausted their water a long time ago and were gasping for a drink.  In their eyes, me wasting the precious drop on their shins was akin to punching them both in the face.  I admit I didn’t care too much.  If nothing else, it was a lesson in the benefits of group riding and certainly a reminder to communicate.  As a side note, it was also evidence that I am not very skilled at staying hydrated which might also contribute to my inability to keep up in those final hours.



We had a quick beer in a local bar and then checked into our dorms.  With local knowledge in hand, we followed Baz out onto the streets, played a few games of pool and again drank a little too much before treating our weary souls to a hefty Nados.  We all refused to think or talk of the simple fact that only one day remained of our adventure.       

Carlisle to Whitehaven – 61.1 miles with 4,391 ft of climbing

We breakfasted in the local Asda and it was a most unsatisfying meal.  Our route from this point would take us back onto the C2C which was partially shared with the Rievers, but Baz suggested a slight amendment so that we could experience the infamous Newlands Pass.  It was quickly agreed that we hadn’t come all that way to shy away from a challenge, so accepted and geared up for the off.

Our first hill out of Carlisle was a monster and Skidaw grew and grew on the horizon beside us.  It didn’t take long to step back into more rural zones, but more often that before we found ourselves drifting back through small towns.  This proved a good thing when Dan’s brakes packed up altogether because we were able to slip into Keswick and see the genius crew in the bike shop.

Then there was the pass; a long road that would end with a wall of gradient which was enough to break the most skilled cyclist if he was not having a good day.  Even miles out from this giant we talked of going our own pace which meant Baz, Paul and Mark vanishing from sight almost instantly.  Dan then dropped back a little from my pace and it was back to how it usually was, cycling on my own through the silent Lakeland wilderness.  I do not mind this as I’m aware it is my own lack of fitness that creates the situation.  One day maybe I will be the king hill climber, but right now I have to accept my limitations and the situations it creates.

Right there and then I was not worried about speed.  I had not yet put a foot down on the route (excluding those moments when we had all stopped to either lunch or regroup).  When I speak of feet going down I mean in terms of legs giving out on a climb and forcing it.  This was something I wanted to maintain and I pushed on hard over the ever climbing route towards the wall.  One corner beside a farm, hooking at a right angle and ramping up to what had to be nearly 30%, very nearly ended this but through pure grit and determination I kept the bike moving.

The run up to the wall was a long open road along the side of the mountain and off in the distance I finally got a sight of Mark, Baz and Paul as they crested the wall.  From where I was they were just dots.  By the time I reached the beginning of the slop my legs had already taken a battering and the very sudden increase in gradient had me out of the saddle in seconds.  I pushed down on the pedal, one after the other with all the force I could put down and yet moved in almost minuscule increments to a top that was 200 yards away but seemed a mile.  As I began to weave from one side to the other of the road the fire set into my thighs.  My lungs burned and I felt control slipping away.

My foot went down.  I slipped off the bike.  Considered getting back on and pedalling.  Thought better of it and walked up to the top.

Dan reached the bottom of the slop a little after me and seemed to have made a deal with himself not to walk up any hill, therefore he pedalled to the top of Newlands pass, but it was a game of many sections, with his gears set very low and his legs spinning like roadrunner to make a score of yards before stopping to recharge.  SPIN, stop, SPIN, stop, SPIN, stop in a method that looked a little insane from where I was sitting, but I had to applaud him because he never broke that deal with himself and made it to the top without walking.





The Newlands descent was a beautiful reward for efforts made.  We had to dance around a few cars coming up the other way, but the exhilaration from the speed and twists of the route filled us with joy.  We then entered country lanes and we nearly lost Mark and Paul as they carried their momentum from a downhill into a climb, barely avoiding the little silver Micra coming down and giving the poor old woman behind the wheel a heart attack.

Baz left us here to return to Cockermouth and we pushed on to complete the run back to Whitehaven.  This was of course on the designated cycle path and although my legs had reached a point of no return, being able to spin but apply no real power, Dan’s legs were at the opposite end of the spectrum.  I watched in wonderment as he took a place at the head of the group and pushed on like a man possessed.  There was no way I would keep pace with them so drifted on at my own speed, solo riding safe in the knowledge that I couldn’t get lost.

Soon enough it was all over.  We dipped our wheel for the third time (having refused to dip the back wheel when setting out from Newcastle) and found a pub.  Without any pride left to lose, I passed my keys over to Mark and asked him to climb the awful hill back to the car.  I cannot express how grateful I am that he said yes to this.

After driving back to Grayonside we cleaned up and drifted down the hill on foot to have a BBQ at Baz’s house.  It was not as late a night as it could have been, partly to reduce the inconvenience five big blokes cramming into a house can cause for Baz’s wife.  There was also a large desire for most of our group to go to sleep and a cab was called to assist us back to our lodgings.

From then on it was just the logistics of getting home, which always seems to add a tone of depression for me.  I know it is not possible, but I always wish for the adventure to continue.  Life and the trappings of work and responsibility have a strong influence on it not continuing, but as long as we keep dreaming maybe one day we could just keep pedalling.  Until then it is back to the planning of the next adventure and treasuring the memories and self-pride of not only doing the coast to coast better, but smashing it out of the park and then riding all the way back.


To most I am sure we are just a group of weekend warriors, but amongst ourselves we are legends.

Friday, 27 June 2014

2011 - A Crank is Born

The trip to Winlatter got under my skin.  The long adventures we had taken in the past were great, but there had been something about the defined route, prepared surfaces and interspersed technical features that really appealed to me.  Maybe it was also the quick access to cake and coffee as well…  regardless of the cause, I found myself almost instantly looking at mountain bikes once I got home.  By the end of September 2011 I was in Halfords spending £850 on a hard tail Boardman MTB Team and shaking at the prospect.


You have to consider that the last bike I purchased was for £99 and this seemed to be a large sum of money to let go on something without an engine.  My first little run around 125cc scooter only set me back £650, but the obsession with Winlatter and the memories of the Black Hawk galvanized my resolve to put my money where my mouth was and the Boardman was reportedly the best kit I could get for under a grand.

I was not aware of the brand snobbery at the point of purchase and even now, when I do, I do not let it bother me.  The welding on the triple butted frame was exquisite compared to the rough handed job done on the Trek and Specialized bikes priced at 30-50% more than I was paying and yet the components were either the same as these pricier rides, if not slightly upgraded.

I collected the Boardman on a Thursday evening and on the Friday drove up to see Mark who now lived in Stevington rather than Olney, with my new and as yet to be ridden and unnamed steed on the roof.  On the Saturday I transferred my bike into Mark’s “Skoda Van” and off we set for Woburn to meet up with Paul.

Woburn was not a trail centre, but did have designated and easily followed trails.  It was on my first descent, following Paul, that I learned how sharp my breaks were.  Paul had stopped and in response I had hauled on the anchors, only for the wheels to lock and for me to complete a full, slow motion, overhead rotation, landing on the top of my head and sinking up to my ears in the mud.  The rest of the day was full of moments like this as I tried to get accustomed to the new bike, but I never once disliked the experience.  If anything, it fuelled the already growing love of the trail and set a fire beneath my need to improve.

The internet is a wonderful place.  I found technical articles on handling a berm, body position, drops, manuals (when did it change from being called a wheelie?) and drops.  I also unlocked the best playground ever, hidden away behind my house.  “The Heath” as we all now know it is MOD training ground spreading for mile upon mile.  Some sections are deeply wooded, littered with trails left by deer and other mammals.  Other sections are vast sand boxes, rutted and pitted by tank training and then there are long stretches of bracken, gravel and thick mud.  Every surface you could imagine can be found here as well as naturally formed drops, rock gardens, root sections and big jumps. 


I was up there at every opportunity, setting the gears too high so as to force the need to drive down the power and literally manhandling the bike so that I was the pilot rather than the passenger.  I was so rough on the poor thing that when the six week tune-up came about the poor guy in Halfords stood looking at it with real shock.  He was too accustomed to rich Surrey people buying expensive bikes and keeping them in the shed as a trophy.  He was not expecting a six week old bike to be so thoroughly ridden.

Thinking holistically and knowing many of the things I couldn’t do on the bike were likely caused by lack of fitness, I joined the local gym.  I was on a real devotion to improve and more so since Baz declared his Stag-do was going to happen in the April of the following year and would be “The Seven Stanes” which consisted of seven red runs in Scottish trail centres to be conquered over a period of just 3.5 days.

My gym workout every morning started as long efforts on the exercise bike and I felt I was getting nothing from it.  Searching the net again I stumbled across “Bike James” and read with interest as he explained functional movement, functional strength and functional skill forming a pyramid that we should fit our efforts into.  In effect he was telling me to look beyond the “bike” and get stronger in all aspects to be better on the real bike.

My gym didn’t have kettle bells so I used barbells and dumbbells for the various lifts and squats.  I then got creative and added dips, pull ups, inverted rows and all manner of exercises based on movement and then movement with weight.  The result was dramatic as my body fat percentage plummeted to just 11-12% while my weight, although falling off at the start, began to lift until my BMI put me as obese.

The translation of improved functional movement and strength when applied to the bike was incredible.  If the Boardman thought it had a hard life before, it was now in hell.  I rode it harder and faster and more aggressively until one day it earned the name.  I was tearing down a twisting piece of single track between the tight packed trees, slamming down the power even though it was downhill.  A click, click, click started plaguing me but I ignored it, but then on a sharp turn I buried the right hand pedal for speed out of the bend and the crank came clean off.  I was clipped in so did not lose it as it hung to the sole of my shoe, but I was now hurtling down the trail with barely any control until I finally managed to balance enough to sit back using the one leg and brake. 

“So that is the point of a Bulgarian Split Squat” I thought as I giggled and there was the name “Crank” created.  Once again the boy at Halfords was also in for a shock.  He was also shocked later on when I separated the cassette from the rear wheel (earning me a brand new Mavic on warranty) and they also had to replace the entire unit of my front Avid Elixr 7 brake.

The next time we were at Woburn I was a new animal and had transitioned from the poorest rider in the group to the most technically able (excluding Baz who could not travel from Cumbria to the South for a day trip to Woburn).  We then hit a new place close to Woburn, named Chicksands, which again was not a trail centre but more a Haven for downhillers who like to push their ride back to the top after each run.  Mark and me did no such thing and earned our descent by pedalling to the top and on a few sharp transitions, where I stood up and put down the heat, I even left the master of climbing behind.


It was early 2012 before I knew it.  I knew I had the movement and strength and the heath sessions had bagged me plenty of functional skill, so I suggested to Dan, Paul and Mark a visit to a place known as Aston Hill.  There was no green option here.  There was no blue option either and the red runs were accessed only by surviving a portion of the black run.  The hill is steep and earns the name Aston because it was the testing place of the Aston Martin for hill climb racing.  Now it is “Plastic People Mecca” where people arrive on full mountain bikes with more suspension that my Honda had, wearing more body armour than a Storm Trooper.


We rocked up on hardtails in bagged shorts and with no pads.  Of course we wore helmets and gloves, but it was not long before I wished I too was clad like one of the “Plastics”. 

The early part of 2012 was wet and Aston hill is formed of chalk.  The two together explained why it was relatively quiet when we arrived, but this revelation only came after the first section of black trail that claimed a lump of flesh from my shin as I took the lead at full pelt and crashed out of a drop from roots into a wet, chalky berm.  I actually lost count how many times I hit the ground that day, but every time I ignored the blood pouring from my legs and carried on, sometime crashing just metres from where I had last landed.  The others crashed far less than me, but mainly because they had sense to judge Aston as out of our league and sensibly chose to walk many of the sections that had claimed my flesh.  I guess in many ways, my lack of self-preservation (I see it as an unending desire to be good at something awesome via a baptism of fire) served as a trigger for them to either continue or get off.  My scars therefore saved them from harm, justifying my idiocy completely.


I do remember one particular section well as it was almost a disaster for Paul.  I had taken the lead down the run and managed to remain on the bike all the way down to the bottom, but had put enough pace between me and the others to have to wait.  When Paul finally came into sight he looked down at me and smiled as he rolled onto the last section of North Shore, considering himself home and dry.  Watching that smile alter into horror as the North Shore ended in mid-air and dropped him down onto the trail beneath will remain with me for a long time.


Despite being completely battered by Aston Hill we all came away from it feeling we had achieved something great.  There was a little fear that the seven trail centres would in fact be seven Aston Hills, but I found it better not to dwell and to instead maintain the training.  After all, it was too late now; I had mud in my blood and it was never getting back out.

Thursday, 19 June 2014

2011 - Medley

August 2011 saw a return to Cumbria.  Baz had moved to Cockermouth and his house was opened to us to come and explore the fun Cumbria could offer.  This was not to be a journey like the Coast to Coast, Cutty to Castle or run to Cambridge, but instead a gathering of friendly souls and a long weekend of laddish tom-foolery.

I set out from Farnham on a Thursday evening after work astride my beloved steed, a Californian 2012 Honda Shadow I referred to as “Hekate”; Goddess of the Crossroads.  This was a bike that needed no pedalling, with a 750cc V-twin between my legs.  



I loaded up my Boblee pack with my clothes and strapped a kit bag to the pillion seat with bungee ropes, containing my walking boots, the black Bell helmet and a sleeping bag.  As I set out, the heavens opened.

I arrived in Olney, stopping at Teddington services to get some feeling back into my toes and fingers, close to 8pm.  half an hour later I arrived in Olney and Mark had beers waiting for me which soothed my aching body.  A few single malts and a game of drunk chess helped close off the night and I slept in my sleeping bag on the couch, excited about the weekend to come.

Dan arrived early the next day and we quickly packed.  Also parked on the road behind Mark’s house was his brother Paul, so rather than being slotted into a small hole in the back of the car, I was entitled to ride shotgun with Dan while Mark jumped into his brother’s Audi.

We made good time and reached Baz in the late afternoon, quickly decamping into the loft room he had prepared for us to sleep in and then jumped back into Paul’s car for a trip to Buttermere lake for a spot of wild swimming.  



The water was cold, but delightful.  We splashed and laughed, hurling an American football at each other as we leapt from the shale shore into the deep, crystal clear waters.  When evening approached, Baz set up a small BBQ on the shore and cooked us marinated chicken and sausages.  After this feed (along with the mandatory beers) we had an overly rough full contact game of American football.

We headed back to Baz’s house fizzing with energy.  Paul had been wounded in the ribs during the games but it didn’t affect his self belief at being a rally driver on the dark country lanes.  Sheep literally threw themselves over the edge of the road as he tore past them and when we finally parked outside Chez Baz, Paul wondered why the rest of us began to kiss the pavement in relief.


Day 2 - Winlatter MTB

Saturday dawned slightly misty, but overall fine.  Baz cooked us a breakfast worthy of a King, but left the kitchen as if hit by a nuclear bomb and then we set out for Winlatter.  This was to be a true eye-opener for me as I had never before experienced a trail centre before.  The first thing that stuck me was the sense of order about the place, but I was not immune to the surfacing of memories of the last time we found ourselves at the signpost for Winlatter.  This had been all the way back in 2008 when we tackled the Coast to Coast, but still had the potency of recall to make me gag.

Putting this aside, I followed Dan into the bike hut to hire a bike while the others prepared Baz’s new Gary Fisher full sus 29er, the old GT Avalanche I had ridden on the Coast to Coast which would be Mark’s ride and also Paul’s Specialized hard tail Rock Hopper.  Dan and I were given hard tail Cubes and we both purchased a pair of Royal gloves to really feel the part.

I could not believe what was beneath me as we pedalled up to the start of the blue graded Quercus trail behind Baz.  I had suspension in the front forks and hydraulic disc brakes on a bike that weighed as much as half of what the Black Hawk had weighed.  I was pumped for this, desperate to do well and believing I would too.

The trail started halfway up the hill from the trail centre cafe and swooped off down into the forest on a thin line of track surfaced with loose chippings.  This meandered back and forth, zigzagging across the face of the hill until coursing through sections of grass enclosed tracks all the way to the bottom.  When we reached this point my smile was close to splitting my face in half and I could see the others were in agreement.


This trail was 7.5 km long, but I have to admit that it felt a lot longer.  For the first time I was being faced with technical features which at that time, despite being on a blue graded trail, really tested our abilities (excluding Baz who commanded skills we only dreamed of having).  One particular section asked us to navigate a sharp left hand turn, downhill around a tree stump.  Baz showed us how to beat it and we followed one by one, each of us either putting feet down and walking, or like me, refusing to put feet down and hitting the ground hard.  The result was the same even when I carried the bike back up to have another stab at it.



A second section that had us quaking was a simply rock slab, this time on another left hand turn.  Baz led the way again and I followed, this time succeeding and feeling boosted by the success.  Then a long chase downhill on long straights peppered with jumps and leading into 90 degree berms had us all smiling, until we realised that Baz had not quite remembered the 90 degree berm and had assumed the run down to be straight.  His bike lay above him on top of the berm and he sat further down, clutching his leg and wincing.  The handlebars had been twisted until they were in line with the frame rather than opposed to it, but after a quick check and a brief pause to allow Baz to catch his breath, all was back in order.

The end of the route took us over our first ever section of northshore (although all of us took the chicken route rather than the final stretch of skinny, and we were back at the cafe.

We took the Blue a second time, but all refused to follow Baz onto the red Altura trail afterwards.  Two blue runs do not a mountain biker make – but it had planted the seed for me between road and dirt.

We concluded the day with a trip to an indoor go-cart course where Paul’s driving prowess was put to the test against Baz.  Foul play aplenty adorned the track to the point where I no longer wanted to race and instead amused myself with the art of drifting, wining me no records on lap time, but at least maintaining the smile that Winlatter had graced my face with.

The night ended with a Cockermouth bar crawl, to the Bitter End…  literally.  Is that not how any great day should close?



Day 3 – Grassmere Scramble

Our original plan for our final day in Cumbria had been for us to conquer the climb to the summit of Skiddaw, but this had been under debate from the moment we dipped a pinky into Lake Buttermere and looked up at the brooding shadow of the rock-slide through the heart of Grassmere.  This “Scramble” was a well-known route, was still classed as a mountain climb, would be dramatically less populated than Skiddaw and was also practically next door to Cockermouth rather than over an hour drive.

We set out early, slightly foggy on the roads as well as in our heads from the night before (aside from Paul who no longer partook in the devil’s juice).  We parked and looked up at Grassmere, not really daunted by the task ahead.



We walked together over the grassy foothills to the beginning of the scree slide and Paul pushed us on with his phone blasting out DJ Fresh’s “Louder”.  We sang along boisterously; “It’s gonna get, it’s gonna get…”   All, save for his brother, found this amusing.

The scree was a challenge and looking back towards the car it began to dawn on me that Grassmere was bigger than I had first thought.  Already the car was but a speck in the distance and yet we were still far from the summit.  A helicopter took off from a plot of land near to where our car was and we looked down on it as it flew by which really gave us a sense of altitude.  Over to the side stood another imposing mound of Cumbrian rock and I could hardly believe my eyes to see a lone woman running up the near impossible slope.



Onwards we pushed, staying together for safety right up until the point it got dangerous.  At this stage we made an unspoken decision to screw our companions and find our own individual way up the treacherous climb to the summit.  Mark and Baz slipped off down one way, Paul took a ludicrous route up a rock face and I decided to do as the name of the route suggested and scrambled up in my hands and knees between rocks and boulders on the slick grass and scree.  Dan followed Paul for a little while and then switched to following me when sense prevailed.

Paul, Dan and myself made it to the top and looked down to locate Baz and Mark.  The view set all of our stomachs turning and worse of all, we could not see hide nor hair of .  To make matters even worse, when we called out there was no response; not even the chanted phrase of “it’s gonna get, it’s gonna get, it’s gonna get louder!”

When they finally did come into view it was along a desperately dangerous ridge that ran up to where we stood waiting and I could see the sun reflect from Mark’s overly pale face.  The weather too had conspired to make matters worse and added a few strong gusts and flurries of misty rain to the mix, but at last we were all back together.



We meandered, drunk from the excitement and fear of the climb to the rock pile marking the summit.  Here we partook in a wee dram from Mark’s hip flask and then took the long, leisurely slope back down to the car.

That marked the end of our adventure.  The morning had been used up and the rest of the day would be spent in the car driving back south, but I had a seed planted by Winlatter and the Cube.  I also had a deep seated love for Cumbria, cemented in place by our time at Lake Buttermere which had somehow connected with the fondness I have for Lake Wanaka in New Zealand to make the two the same within me.

My ride home from Olney on “Hekate” was the last long ride I would make on it because my first child was born in May and the pressure was on for me to shed the bike and to opt always for the safety of a car, but the ride was in beautiful sunshine and savoured fully.  A month later I paid for a new set of two wheels, without the V-twin adding weight to the frame.  This was the birth of Crank and this was the real start of the new me. 

2010 - Cambridge Calling

2010 almost slipped away from us as a group, as if the disaster of the Cutty to Castle trip attempted to put a nail in the coffin of our annual adventures before even having a chance to bed in to a firm tradition.  I started the year in Gambia, soaking up both the sunshine and drink, chilling out with giant crocodiles named Charlie and suffering the Gambian phrase “it’s nice to be nice” that was always thrown out in conjunction with a raised palm.

We returned from Gambia to find Britain thoroughly frozen over so my mind moved to boarding rather than cycling and the Heathland behind the house proved a cracking venue.  A quick trip to Cardigan Bay led to an increase in the Elliott family size with the inclusion of Taffy the Cockerpoo and the cold snap endured until the end of March.




This was not to say that the transition had not moved on though.  As soon as Mark had the use of his knees again he entered the world of road bikes with gusto, treating himself to a bike that cost enough in the mond of a Scotsman to force him to ride it.  Dan also treated himself to a new bike which meant even though I had banished the heavy and useless Black Hawk, the GT Avalanche that Dan had ridden on the Coast to Coast was sitting there in his garage waiting for me.

It did not have to wait long.  Mark, keen to explore his new prowess on the bike, encouraged both me and Dan to join him on the relatively flat route from his house in Olney to the beautiful city of Cambridge and back.  This was not to be done in a day, but instead spread over two days with a bedding down overnight in the University dorms.  Against all wisdom and forgetting all lessons learned on Cutty to Castles, we said yes.

Despite the frozen start to the year, May turned out to be a scorcher.  Armed with the black Bell helmet from my days with the Black Hawk, I hoped into the car on a Friday night and was driven up to Mark’s house by my wife Anna, with Taffy in my lap.  Dan drove over on the Saturday morning with his two bikes on the roof of his car and that is where the easy ride began.

Much had changed, even if not in terms of me, because Mark was no longer the 18st drinker and smoker he had been on the coast to coast.  Six months of riding had seen his weight plummet and he had started to wear actual cycling apparel.  Not Lycra yet; that would follow later, but a jersey and clip in shoes.  He looked the part as he clipped his Garman onto his handlebars to lead us to Cambridge.  Unfortunately me and Dan didn’t.

This was a frustrating day for Mark.  We set off from Olney and within minutes he was waiting at the top of a small hill while me and Dan pushed our bikes up to join him.  His plans for us to achieve a 13 mph average were shattered very quickly and rather than lunching in Cambridge at the end of our first 50 miles we found ourselves eating in a pub beside the river at St Neots, less than half way to Cambridge with an average speed of 6 mph so far achieved.




It was a rushed lunch as Mark was worrying about our timings; something he had not even dreamed would be a problem when he cooked up the idea of the trip.  It was also a highly inappropriate lunch on my part, being a bowl of dirty chilli on cheesy chips which sat in my gut like a lead bar as we set out.  To put a real shine on things, coinciding with our return to the route was the emptying of all the water the heavens had to offer.  This was a storm that was brief and yet brutal.  Rain drops the size of ping-pong balls slammed into us and bounced up from the road into our faces, drenching everything and even penetrated the hastily donned waterproofs.  It was such a deluge, even the water resistant Garman fizzed and blinked out of action and the well planned route, much like the considered average miles per hour pace Mark had envisaged at the start, swirled with the rain water down the drain.

We arrived in Cambridge over three hours later, dry from the roasting sun that followed the storm, but embarrassingly defeated despite the non-existent challenge of the terrain.  Of course this sense of defeat and exhaustion only related to myself and Dan, but we were blue enough to bring Mark's spirits down too.

We had pizza in Zizzi and a couple of beers, but I could not convince the other two to turn the night into a real  beer-fest.  Dan wasn’t much of a drinker and also in a rather dark place personally due to heath issues.  As for Mark, he  was concerned about us even making it home the next day and encouraged an early end to the day for an early start the next.  Considering our performance that day, who could blame him for worrying?



The next day dawned bright and hot and we had a hasty breakfast before collecting our bikes from the cavernous bike shed beneath the university.  We set off at a good pace despite me wincing at the touch of the saddle against an already raw behind.  This was all before I discovered the genius of technical clothing and more importantly, the padded pant.

After a couple of hours Mark was surprised to report that we were averaging close to 12 mph.  His fears of the night before seemed almost unfounded and we pressed on towards Olney.  We had a brief stop to turn Dan’s bike upside down to inspect a clicking noise; fears of bearings seizing and resulting in absolute carnage seemed very real to us in those days before actually understanding how the bikes we were riding worked.  I also flipped my bike and turned the front wheel only to find it stopping almost instantly, revealing that I had cycled the day before with the brakes so badly adjusted that they were effectively permanently on.

Mechanicals resolved and our average speed seriously depleted, we carried on towards Olney without much drama until 10 miles out from the finish.  Dan had received a call from his wife insisting he get back home promptly.  Our planned route had many more miles left to go and with the absence of a working Garmen we thought we were in trouble until Dan explored the power of a smart phone.  Nowadays this isn't too amazing, but back then it was like a miracle device, plotting a route for us that shaved many miles off the day.  Yet despite the marvel of technology and the shortening of the route, there was still an injection in pace which simply destroyed me.  The last two miles for me, regardless of it being flat and the weather divine, took me into a pain cave I will not quickly forget, but I finished the job and took some pride from it.

Of course, in reality the trip had proven I was still awfully out of shape, technically inept and lacking in prowess, but internally I was euphoric at such an achievement.  Mark also took pride from the journey, despite it having been far from dynamic, so at last we had a success with which to banish the Cutty to Castle memories. 

That was however it for lads adventures in 2010.  A wedding in September followed by a very poorly wife; an oddity for a woman that could hold her own when it came to drinking, led to the surprise revelation of a child on its way for us and it was this very significant piece of news that would trigger what would be for me the most dramatic change of all; the need to regain my true former self.